Wednesday, March 10, 2010

John Mayer Is an Idiot, For Other-Than-Obvious Reasons

I like John Mayer, and I think he's very talented and that he makes good musical decisions. And I also think that people should lay off him for having the same sense of humor as any immature twenty-something idiot kid. If Family Guy had made any of the same jokes that John Mayer had, everyone would be talking about how funny the last episode was. Blah blah blah all you want about how as a celebrity he needs to set an example, but John Mayer is the epitome of twenty-something male culture, lack of discretion and all. John Mayer's not necessarily a big fat jerk, our culture just encourages jerkism.
But today I was listening to his song Heartbreak Warfare, and, man, John Mayer is such an immature twenty-something idiot kid.

Lyric excerpt one: "If you want more love/why don't you say so."
Right. Chicks totally do that all the time, and it totally goes well:
Girl: "Honey, I really need you to love me more."
Guy: Pulls flowers out of his ass. "Baby, I was just waiting for you to say so."
You can't straight up ask for more love! What does that even mean?! It's hard enough trying to ask for different expressions of love. For example, even saying something as simple as, "Hey, sweetheart, I know that when you buy me all this shit I don't need, you're really trying to tell me you love me, but is there any way you can just give me some backrubs instead?" tends to cause a lot of conflict. Is it really going to go over that well with you, John Mayer, when your girlfriend comes to you and says, "Hey, I don't think I'm really getting enough love here. Can I have some more?"
But I like this whole "I'm sensitive and take criticism well" angle. Let's see where this goes.

Lyric excerpt two: "How come the only way to know how high you get me/is to see how far I fall?"
Hmm. Toughie. I'm gonna guess it's because you never show it at any other time. This is just a shot in the dark, but if your girlfriend has been reduced to making you jealous in order to prove your affection for her, I'll bet that you've stopped even slapping her ass when she walks out of the shower naked-- forget about things like telling her how high she gets you, or how much you love her, or, you know, doing nice things for her. Like, as much as it sucks that when you're an idiot kid who never manages to adequately express your emotions to the person you love best (except months later on a multiplatinum record that she won't be able to stand listening to) your girlfriend tends to make you jealous to pry these emotions out of you, well, unfortunately, that's the most effective way to go about these things, because you're just an idiot kid who can't express himself. Heartbreak warfare, indeed. More like crowbar on a rusty tin can.

That said, it's a good song, and I really dig the guitar solo.

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