Monday, May 24, 2010

A Step-by-Step Guide to De-stressing, cont'd

26. Wake up at nine. Realize simultaneously that a) you are super well-rested and b) you don't pay nearly enough attention to your body, or the fact that your heart beats seventy times every minute to keep it alive, or in general the fact that it exists.
27. Stretch and get out of bed.
28. Realize you don't know how to use a french press and look up the nearest Starbucks.
29. Discover that the nearest Starbucks is, in fact, within walking distance.
30. Walk there.
31. Spend an entire forty-five minutes thinking about nothing except the fact that your body exists and is currently moving and drinking a delicious chai latte on a cloudy beachy kind of day.
32. Get back to apartment; greet Terribly Clever Friend as she rolls out of bed around ten-thirty.
33. Spend two or three hours talking to Terribly Clever Friend and finishing off the expensive cheeses and corn salsa from the day before.
34. Decide to go to beach.
35. Find decent parking by the Pacific Beach Library.
36. Stop in at an organic pet food shop that Terribly Clever Friend notices; listen to Super Cute Employee enumerate the virtues of ground turkey and non-Proctor-and-Gamble-produced pet foods for Terribly Clever Friend's hyper-allergic cat (note: hyper-allergic cat is, strangely enough, not the puking one).
37. Drag Terribly Clever Friend into a Buffalo Exchange and help her pick out new jeans; find an oversized sweatshirt with a Shakespeare quote on it that is a near-exact replica of the sweatshirt your dad let you wear during the family reunion at Lake Tahoe when you were three and is now sitting in your closet full of holes and paint stains, twenty years later; immediately buy said sweatshirt and do a mental heel-click even though Terribly Clever Friend is kind of grossed out by the fact that the Shakespearian image on the sweatshirt has had his eyes gouged out. Also purchase brown suede shoes with orange and red flowers stitched on them.
38. Go to the beach and sit there in your new sweatshirt and jeans because you are from Arizona and it is seventy degrees out, which we all know is, like, Antarctic; for once do not have a book on your hand and just sit there and look at what is going on around you; namely, clouds, and waves, and good-looking people throwing footballs and frisbees, and little kids falling into the freezing cold ocean and shrieking.
39. Take walk by yourself up and down the beach; convince Antarctically-acclimatized Terribly Clever Friend to go get burritos at La Playa Taco Shop.
40. Go back to Terribly Clever Friend's place, where her Neuroscientist Husband opens the door, because he is back from his neuroscientist gathering where they did skits making neuroscience-y jokes about their neuroscience professors and laughed. Neuroscientistically.
41. Take a shower and clog the drain. Do not realize until the next morning that you just didn't pull the shower switch hard enough and so there is water coming out of the bathtub faucet as well as the showerhead. Worry that you are a terrible houseguest who breaks everything.
42. Pick out outfit and put on awesome new shoes; say out loud that you are not sure if the shoes work with your shirt. Have Terribly Clever Friend tell you to go with your impulses. Realize that you have developed your self-control to a level that is entirely unnecessary just to expedite interactions with other humans who don't give a shit anyway, and change your shirt.
43. Go with Terribly Clever Friend and Neuroscientist Husband to their favorite bar, where everyone is dressed in kicky hats and fleece pullovers and there are tap handles hanging from the ceiling. Drink delicious beer and eat delicious cheese fries with jalapenos and fake bacon; talk them into buying ice cream and smoking hookah afterwards.
44. Have Terribly Sciency and Serious and Interesting Intellectual conversations over hookah and ice cream with Terribly Clever Friend and Neuroscientist Husband; contemplate moving to San Diego and smelling the ocean for rest of life. Wonder if a kicky hat is mandatory for California citizenship.
45. Realize that you managed to spend a whole day without actually knowing what time it was.
46. Rejoice, and go to bed.

To be continued.

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