Tuesday, May 31, 2011

This Is the Part That Sucks: Hitting the Relationship Wall

There is a point in every relationship which I call "hitting the wall."  It's the point where you have gotten to know this person so well that you also know all of the bad things about them.  And it's the point where you have to decide if the bad things outweigh the good things.  It's sink or swim time.
I've hit the wall with quite a few people--in one case, my wall lasted for nine months--enough time to build a brand new human being to replace the original one.  But we still made up. We still missed each other so badly that we wound up being friends again, with better boundaries in place, and with better awareness of who the other person is, and, I'd venture to say, with more love.  Because now we even love the sh*tty parts.  Now we know how to deal with the sh*tty parts in a loving way.
Hitting the wall takes away a lot of the fun stuff.  Inside jokes dissolve, sex lives go sour, routines get dull, and the fun, different things about this person you love so well are suddenly the most f*cking irritating things you've ever had to deal with, and you know they are doing it just to piss you off, and if they would just stop and go back to being that person that got up in the morning to put your dishes in the dishwasher for you---
 We've all been there.
 And this is the part that sucks.  This is the worst it gets.  Isn't that great?  This is the worst part of your relationship, and all it is is irritating.  No one's beating you (hopefully; if they are, you should leave. That's beyond suck.).  No one's dying.   You are getting to know them.  The real them.  Just like you always wanted.  When this sucky part is over, you will know this person so much better, and you will know how to deal with their sh*tty parts, and you will love all of them--not just the parts that seem fun.  You will really, truly love them.  Isn't that great?  You made it to the part that sucks!
 Some relationships make it two weeks.  Some relationships make it to the part where you go to Vegas and they convince you into gambling away your next month's rent.  Some relationships don't make it past a second date.  Yours made it to the part that sucks. 

Obviously, one of my relationships is currently hitting the wall.  Today I remembered something I said to him a long time ago: "I can't wait until this gets hard.  I can't wait to know you that well."  Well, it's hard now.  It's probably going to stay hard for a while. But I still love him. And I still want him around.  Hopefully he's still going to want me, too.

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